Some mornings It's hard not to look at my remaining field time (one month + one week) and wish it away or rush it away. Not because it's bad or I want to leave Cambodia, but because my mind is constantly looking to the next thing. It is constantly looking ahead and wanting to rush seasons for the next. Closing out seasons of your life can be intimidating and hard and sometimes mentally and emotionally it's just easier to skip ahead and imagine you're already gone. It's hard not to want it to be over. I truly love living in Cambodia, I truly love my team and I truly love the ministry we get to go. But on the days when you wake up and your heart seems to be on a different continent, it can be hard to live in the present. It can be hard not to see every affliction and obstacle instead of every blessing.
But oh how He is showing me that when He is my treasure, when Jesus is my Worth, when He is my greatest reward, He is what I see in every affliction and obstacle. If drawing near to Him is really my desire, then I have been given the desires of my heart.
I have been sick a lot since coming here and this past week and a half I have been feeling great. Yesterday I woke up congested and with headaches and started pumping the vitamins and water. Kayla reminded me of a great truth last night, she heard me sniffle, saw me take vitamins and looked at me and said "there is a season for everything. And sometimes there are sick seasons." This perspective was such an encouragement to me. Life is truly learning to embrace every season for what God truly has in it. It is learning to embrace Jesus in every moment of every season.
Only by the indwelling Holy Spirit can we walk in and out of seasons, affliction and blessing and remain joyful and Jesus centered. It's all His grace. I want to close out my season being here, now. Fully engaging with the people in front of me instead of dreaming and wondering what I will do after I get home. Instead of being consumed with the small details of the unknown, I want to be consumed with the known details of God. To be consumed with His goodness and His glory.
Jesus, keep my heart present. Jesus, give me eyes to see you in the trial and affliction. Give me eyes to see Your love when I want to flee. Steady my heart and direct my gaze back to You. Purify my hearts desires. Make them be You Jesus. Instead of looking to the difficulties and afflictions, may my mind be ever meditating on Your goodness.
Not only is there a time and season for everything. But He calls it beautiful.
Ecc 3:11a He has made everything beautiful in its time.