Heb 12:18-24 For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them.
For they could not endure the order that was given, “If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned.” Indeed, so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, “I tremble with fear.”
But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering,and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel."
Recently I have stated reading the Bible chronologically for the first time. The Lord has abundantly blessed this and it has been so edifying to walk through chronologically. I've been reading in Exodus where God called Moses on Mount Sinai for 40 days and 40 nights. Yesterday I was reading all of the commandments and instructions for priesthood and the tabernacle. I turned page after page and continued reading detailed instructions and commandments. Somewhere in the midst of these I started feeling overwhelmed. I started doubting. Could the God who has a whole chapter in the Bible describing the priests' garments really care anything about me? Instead of drawing near to God, I drew near to my doubts and confusion.
I prayed a very simple prayer that sounded something like this "God, reading these Scriptures made me feel very distant and question things that I know that I know. Help."
I ended up running errands with Anna on her Moto and while we were driving the Spirit spoke to me "God is not distant and far off." And reminded me of the passage in Hebrews 12 that I love so dearly. The rest of the afternoon was busy but as I was walking out the door to church I opened my Bible to Hebrews 12 and the truths that it contained washed away any distance, doubt and confusion.
"But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering,and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,
and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel."
The Lord freed me from those doubts and filled my heart with passion for His name and an extra measure of thanksgiving for Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant! As we entered into worship at church it was easy to see that the Lord was doing something extra special as hundreds of hearts poured out praise unto our Jesus. It was extra special for us as it was the guys team's last Sunday service in Cambodia. If I could capture or explain what God was doing as we worshiped I would, but I simply can't capture or explain it. It was a beautiful outpouring of His Spirit. As I worshiped I kept meditating on what God was showing me and the verses in Hebrews 12. When we started singing the last song of the night, the presence of God surrounded me so much so that I had to drop to my knees and just abide in His presence. I felt the hands of my leaders as they prayed over me but all I could do is rest in His presence. I was overwhelmed and couldn't even get the words out of my mouth to sing, all I could do was offer my heart and life as worship to Him. It was one of the sweetest most powerful moments with a beautiful and gracious God, who is not distant and far off, but loves me with the tenderness of a Father.
He is not afraid of our doubts or the hard questions. He is not afraid of the passages in scripture that confuse us or cause us to seek Him for direction and understanding. He is gracious, merciful and ever present. He is love. He is not tossed too and fro from emotion like I am. He is steadier than the mountains and more sure than the sun. He never fails and He never will.